SENTIMENTS

2006-02-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

It's hard to imagine that we will be in a situation where in we have to choose between life and death.

They rushed my Father-in-law , Tatay Nestor, to the hospital Feb. 24,2006, Friday evening. It was my sis- in -law, Ellen, who called us up. My husband, Benedict, thought that it was one of those days that my Father-in-law just need a boost of oxygen just to clear his breathing. He is a diabetic and has heart complication.After just seconds, sis called again, this time it's different, Tatay Nestor is having a stroke. Ellen described over the phone that Tatay is turning blue. Benedict, who just came home from work with me, rushed to the hospital where they, Ellen and Ariel, brought Tatay.

After minutes of reviving him, the nurses and doctors heard a pulse..... only the pulse, no brain response. The doctors immediately advised us that Tatay is in coma and that we should transfer him to a better facility, The Medical City Hospital. He was administered to the ICU so the doctors and nurses could take care of him better. He was admitted immediately, all the life support that he needs was attached to him. Without the respirators and other machines, his pulse will slowly die down because he is in a state of coma. So we told the doctors to do the best they can for Tatay.

On the fist day at the hospital, the air was filled with depression. We are all praying that Tatay will recover. We took turns in looking after him, Ellen & Mike, Cherry, Benedict and Me, Jason and Nico, and Ariel. Relatives visited to know his condition. Some says that to end his suffering, we should decide to remove his respirator, in short... to end his life, considering the fact that the bill is also piling up. But all of us does not agree to that... we love our Tatay and that we will fight for him no matter what. But 80 thousand pesos a day in a hospital is no joke. Stories of recovery of other people keeps our hopes high. We pray that Tatay will recover and wake up. We said to ourselves that if they can,we can.

On my second turn,Monday morning, we were called by the doctor. He told us that there was an improvement in Tatay's breathing and that he could breath on his own. Though we are still waiting for his brain to respond, we texted everyone to continue praying for Tatay. It was a good sign....nevermind the bill.

Monday, we have confirmed that Dennis will be coming home from US so Benedict and I decided that I could go back to the office to work. Nanay's arrival from US is not til Wednesday night. Tuesday, I went back to work. I told Benedict that I will visit Tatay after office.

Tuesday night, while waiting for Benedict at the hospital, Tita Baby and I were talking about so many things. There were few friends who visited... they suggested that it would be best that we decide to end his suffering. Again... we were torn on decisions that we do not like...decisions that we thought exist only in movies and novels.

I was hesitant to see Tatay because his fever is high and I might might make it worst because I came from so many places, in short I look untidy.......not knowing that that visit should've been my last visit that he is alive.

Tatay is a fighter, he doesn't know the word fear. But behind those strong personality of Tatay, is a gentle giant, a very caring father and lolo to us. He was on my team when my husband and I were on the rocks because of a third party. He always told me that no matter what happens, he is praying for us and that he never fails to talk to Benedict to go back to me. He always remind me to take care of my kids, especially my eldest, Miguel.

Days before he was rushed to the hospital, Tatay was showing no sign of sickness or attacks. He is normal and energetic as ever. He keeps himself busy by looking afer his grandchildren. He brought them to the mall just to buy each of them, a pair of boxing gloves, like what he always promise to them. He even took them to a restaurant because he enjoys their company, Miguel, Matthew, AJ, and Skip, Nanay and Benedict. He laughed hard when the boys had a mini boxing match. He knew the voice of each one of his grandchildren even from afar. He would feel if Benedict has a problem. He is a very open minded and hardworking person. He plans on making a trip to Apalit Pampanga, his hometown, and visiting relatives and friends...... not knowing that these things that he was doing are already premonitions.

March 1, 1 am, Cecil and Dennis called. It was their turn to look after Tatay that night. She said that the doctors were reviving him. We rushed back to the hospital. When we arrived, it was too late....he's gone.... our Tatay is gone. He died in a state of coma due to massive stroke, complication from his main disease, diabetes.

That moment, all of us are in a very emotinal state. As I entered the ICU and saw his body covered with a white sheet, I even cried more. It was painful, eventhough I am only a daughter in law, what more with my husband... or Ellen, or Cherry. The only words that came out of my lips were " Tatay ko, Tatay ko...".

After we have composed ourselves, Benedict, his sisters Ellen and Cherry, brother Dennis, sister in law Cecil and brother in law Jun, we did what we have to do so we could bring Tatay home. We called the Funeral Parlor to get Tatay. While waiting, we were all in the lobby of the hospital, all quiet, eyes somewhere else..... as if gazing on a distant planet....thinking.... hoping....

I just hope that wherever Tatay is, he is at peace and that he is happy. But if I could turn back time, I'll ask God that He give us more time, more chance to show our love for our Tatay. But that is all too late now. All we could cherish are memories of his greatness of being a husband, father, grandfather and friend.....a true person.... inside and out.

To our Tatay Nestor, we are very sorry for the times we missed you, and thank you very much for everything. We love you very very much. Our dear Tatay Taba......I know.... in time... we will see each other again.....

2005-08-22T10:29:00.000-07:00

Being a first time blogger, I couldn't think of anything to post here on my blogspot...Either I am afraid of posting anything that might humiliate me, or I have so many things going on in my mind, that I couldn't compress them in just one posting. Alas! It is only now that I've decided to forego all of my thoughts. I have seen other people's blogs and I envy them of being direct, smart (" oo nga ano effect"), grammatically correct and brave, not to mention their creativity in designing their blog settings. I hope that nobody will cast their stones when I made a mistake with my grammar or spelling, I was led here to forego all of my thoughts and emotions and not to be "QA'd" by a human "Word Spelling and Grammar Checker". Just read on, smile or cry if you like to. I hope that every post I will share won't add chaos to your minds.

2005-08-22T00:05:00.000-07:00

Let's have fun ;)

1. ARE YOU OVER 18? Yes, how I wish I am below 18!
2. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOURCELLPHONE? Default lang po
3. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT? Nope! Still hoping to catch a good one.
4. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP? What time is it?Should I call my Team Leader or not, should I go to work or not?
5. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOURBEDSIDE? Cellphone and my purse
6. EVER TRIED TO SKIP MEAL? yeah
7. GRILLED OR FRIED? Whichever apeals my palate .
8. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? I am.... me
9. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? Yes, you won't know what's coming.
10. FAVORITE HANGOUT? Mall, cafe
11. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? My family, friends, and MONEY!!!!
12. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1THOUSAND DOLLARS? New Cellphone and and automatic washing machine.
13. FAVORITE SONG WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPY? Ummm. Selected songs of Nina and Sarah Mclachlan.
14. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Death, rejection, failure and and being lost or left alone. Amnesia!
15. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER? If I have, I'm a giver, If I don't have, I'm a taker. Bwhehehehe!
16. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Ire- ne (at home), Ai(by my husband), Mumma(officemates), Mommy(my kids)
17. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME? Victor
18. WHAT IS YOUR MOM"S MAIDEN MIDDLE NAME? Hernandez
19. IF YOU WERE INVISIBLE FOR A DAY,WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Walk around naked... hahahhaha
20. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD HAVE ONLY ONE KIND OF FOOD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Chocolate cake fromFigaro!Lot's of it!
21. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? Close Up commercials way back 80's
22. IF YOU'LL DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WILLYOU DO? Enjoy the entire day with my Loved ones
23. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE: Things ha? valuables like jewelries, cellphone, appliances. E things daw eh.
24. YOUR EYE COLOR? Dark Brown
25. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS BRING? Money, cellphone, driver's license, tissue or hankerchief and lipgloss.
26. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? I wanna be a cook and a dressmaker, and of course a decorator..... as in.
27. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES 7 AM? Nothing!
28. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET? Green as of now, pink next week, brown the following week.
29. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET? The present President of the United States, introduced talaga, actors like Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta Jones, Elizabeth Hurley, Jackie Chan and Keanu Reeves. Richard and Aga din pala!:-P
30. HOW'S LIFE TODAY? Little bit of confusing but surviving.